Not my will, but as YOU will...

When I got married on August 9th, 2008, I had NO idea the things that God had in store for my life. Some things were good, some not so pleasant, but all planned by our Holy & sovereign God. These are my reflectings.

The week we got back from our honeymoon, Ryan & Kaylan stayed with us like two or three nights in a row. Some might think it is unorthodox to have guests so soon after a wedding, but it was a HUGE blessing for me. I am fully convinced that them staying with us greatly helped me in the transition from Grand Prairie to Friendswood. I am soooo thankful for God moving them to Deer Park, as I have found one of my best friends in Kay.

Not even a month after we were married, Mac & I found out that the man who owned the property that our mobile home sat on was selling the property and that we had until February to either move the trailer. We thought about moving it to another location, or getting a house of our own. We decided to go the house route, and I was extremely excited about this. Then, just one short week after finding this out, Hurricane Ike hit. Since we were living in a mobile home, we were very worried about the damage that could possibly be done. The morning of the day that we evacuated we moved ALL of our belongings out of the trailer, and into a church van & travel trailer. When we got back to Houston, we stayed with my in-laws while deciding what to do about the trailer. It didn't suffer severe damage from the Ike, but all of our belongings were out of it & we were faced with choosing between moving it back in for a few months, or staying out while searching for a new place to make our home. We decided to stay with my in-laws and go ahead and sell the trailer now.

Nothing majorly huge happened immediately after Ike & our move. Amber, Josh & Jossy started coming to church right after Ike - they have been SUCH a blessing to me. I love that Jossalyn with my whole heart. Preacher was already suffering with liver cancer, but he was able to get around pretty well, although he did experience some pretty bad pain. My life was becoming a routine of school & home in the afternoons. I was desperately searching for a job. A few weeks after Ike, as everyone was just getting resettled, we found out that Preacher's liver cancer had spread to bone cancer, and that it was affecting several areas of the bone. This was devestating news, but we immediately began praying for healing. The Lord blessed me with a job, an awesome job with a great boss. Things seemed to be good. Not optimal, but good.

While all of this has been going on, I have heard from several people "I can't believe how strong you are being! You have gone through so much in such a short time, it's unreal." I would hear them, but to me it just seemed like the natural thing was to be strong. I was married to the love of my life, and despite a few setbacks life was GOOD. Leave it to the devil to wreak havoc when I was feeling the strongest and most content with this craziness of a life that I'm living. I really started to struggle. And I mean REALLY struggle. All of a sudden I was discontent with my schooling, discontent with my living situation, discontent with everything going on. As soon as I gave into one of thought of discontenment, it all came crumbling down. And, on top of it all, Preacher's cancer has only gotten worse and his pain has only multiplied.

It wasn't until this week that things started to become better. I had talks with my awesome mom, an amazing friend, and the best husband in the world. And then Thursday morning, in my art class, I listened to a sermon podcast by Mark Driscoll about praying like Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. I cannot even begin to explain how much that sermon ministered to me. As Jesus prays that night, he prays "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." As Driscoll preached on this example of prayer from Jesus, my heart was seized. Several times, sitting in class, listening to this sermon, my eyes welled up with tears. I realized several things. I realized the selfishness of how I had acted, and how above all it is HIS will that we need to seek after, not our own. And when it comes to Preacher, if I had my will I would heal his body TWO years ago, but it's not my will, it is as YOU will.

I am unsure really of how to tie this all in. All I know is that I have been ministered to, and my perspective has changed. Many circumstances in my life are not going the way I would want them to go, but I am now going to try on contentment instead of try to hurry things into being MY way. In all that I do, I am now praying for GOD's will to be done, and not my own.

I want to thank anyone, if anyone is reading this, that has been praying for Preacher. We appreciate it so much, and he needs all the prayer that he can get. But, as we all pray for him, let us be careful to pray for God's will to be done above all.

Thought Soup

I have to write something. I need to think. I need to think less, and get my thoughts out somewhere so they won't be swirling in my head so much and giving me a brain-ache. If I were to type out all of my thoughts, you all (if anyone reads this) would think I were a complete crazy person.

I can't even think straight enough to have a complete thought. I have one prevalent thought but I can't get it out. I don't need to have a public online blog -- I need to have a secret diary where i can REALLY write all the thoughts I have. I'm not this crazy.. it's just one of those days.